Peace be upon you. :)

Atrocious. Precious. Delicious. 

How words can be defined in such strong meanings. 

I wish I could spare my love in those sorts of writing. 

Classic and full of style. 

Friendship and love or passion could not be separated. 

There are a few people I met. With or without them. But it's life and it's a choice. 

I wish I could have both of it.  Pardon for being greedy. 

I am still awake by this hour after drinking so much tea. Kinda of inspired after watching some Gossip Girl. LOL.

 

I mixed my feelings over for a better potion in life. Kinda crap though. 

Writing resembles your attitude, your thinking and your opinion. 

Yes, I admit I hurt some feelings during these growing-up session and I truly blamed myself for those ruined friendships and heartbroken words. 

Those days were harsh. Tough. Survival was hard. Clearly I admit for having too carried away. Still trying maturing in life.

All I'm doing is more to keeping myself. I hope I can get through this. 

Many hopes that I prayed for them to come true.  Somehow, I really hope they will.

I have him by my side, sometimes I felt dreams and my hopes are too high. Fear to unleash my wings, precaution for them not being broken later on. Being the real player on the stage, being watched by other unsatisfied people who are so heart-wrenching to see and be pleased all the time, surely I assure as a waste of my plenty time. 

Expressing feelings might not be so difficult to reach when someone went through a lot of ideas and practise and passion. I truly believe that. Yeah, that is what I'm forcing him to do. HAHA. I could be very bad at times. So, don't mess with me! Danger across. 

Maybe life is challenging to everyone, isn't it? By the time we grew older, when we flashed back, laughing at those silly memories, its quite cute, I think. Don't you think so? 

For the sake of pictures that I missed and I'm gonna miss. Don't worry, I'm trying to defy this by next year. Thinking the best way of escape ever. Gotcha. 

I gonna break my legs and cross my fingers. :) 

Not forgotten, I'm so grateful to have this moment right now of having those important people in my life happily. Finally I achieve my very peace of heart. Thank you. It has been a very long journey and prayers. Not mentioning those vain and tears. And for this, I dedicate my love to you. I'm trying my best to improve everything. In terms of yeahh. Everything. I hope this journey will be great along with all happiness that could not be bought by money nor words. Bless me. 

Peace be upon you. :)

So here I am. Doing nothing actually. And I'm kinda bored. 

Don't have money to hangout nor shopping. HAHA. 

Guess what. I'm gonna crack my legs. I've been to the interview, more or less seems I've been accepted. So now, I'm waiting  for the call.

Seriously. I miss swimming. Really much. Melaka is quite a busy town and it frustrates me to go anywhere whereby lots of people waiting there. ERGH. That truly annoys me. Well, I don't know how this holiday gonna work for me. But I'm hoping the best for it since it has been about 2 years I didn't go to work. Just messing around with friends. -kinda lame sometimes. 

There's a lot of things changed lately. I'm quite satisfied with it. 

:) I hope I can fulfil my dreams later on when  I grow up.

This journey is a long way down. It needs perseverance and hard work. Yeahhhh.

I just don't know how to react with my results later on. Got nightmare about them sometimes. 

And I miss Mr. G much lately. He's gone to wherever without me! *whattt.??? 

I wanna go to , you know. Well, seems like  ONLY guys went. so I don't plan to interfere either. 

*Pathetic you, Munirah. :(

I gave some lists to him and he seems to make every 25 of it. I hope he will do it. Those wishes kinda of funny. hhaha. Some stupid wishes. 

Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna have funnnn this holiday. Improve myself. I believe life is only once. Have fun while you can. *seems like a crazy idea though. 

but whatever. 

Things have changed for the past few months.

I've been ups and downs. 

These emotional feelings sometimes make me ponder. Am I too harsh sometimes?

Or no.? 

Flattering with egoism just isn't gonna get you somewhere is much thing I have realised. 

There are words which better be in silence. And yes. You need to voice out your feelings for others to know. But watch your words.

Any rate of life would be quite difficult when you seriously need to keep it inside. Make sure to know who's your foe and friends. 

I didn't have any idea yet. just mumbling around here. 

The smell of a rusting blog. HAHA. 

but here's a poem of mine. It is better for me to do a poem than essayyysssss. Errrrr. 

Wooden heart

Broken vow done a shattered heart

Seems empty without love

Though they say it's an art

But blank as a dove

Blankets be protective, the saviour life from harm

As love of Adam and Eve

Shall be in your arms

Hide away your little ones

For the fear of losing 

Your path in distance

while struggling to be heard

Can vengeance be ferried to hell?

Peace be upon you. :)

I know. I should be taking a nap. 

What a breathtaking.

damn tired. For the past few days I haven't sleep well yet.

But some people don't even know it.

I got lots of stuffs to do. to think about. yet no one to pour with.

I can't contain everything. but still I have no one.

Some silly things get me frustrated easily.

I'm losing myself & my ship.

Still. I have no idea to begin with.

People will say. Yeah, deserve you for leaving him.

Oh. I'll say. Maybe yes and maybe not.

Am I being not patience enough?

emotional and being unprofessional.

Cool.

What should I do.

When people told me to get a life. not to talk too much. not to this and that. for almost everything.

It is quite saddening. coz I can't tell. I can't embraced. I can't do it.

Coz I really.. uhm..  But with all these circumstances. I just don't know. How long this can be.?

I'm being the pushy one. being too sensitive. being this and that.

I've been given too much critics and screwed.

yet. I do not own it. 

Sometimes. I don't feel I own the heart. 

It is such a heart breaking. for trying to hold on till the limits of your breath. 

It's like swimming with a scoop of air and you need air to breathe but you hold on. 

suffocated and drown into the world of your own. 

I might be bang by posting this.

yes. I know.

I need to take the risk.

For now. 

I might need a few fresh air and rest. 

Hopefully.

Peace be upon you. :)

I don't really get it nowadays. 

Where have been the wrongs I made? 

Did I screw up things?

Or did try so hard?

Nah, even the talking won't solved the problem.

No one will ever understand it either.

How should I do it? 

Follow their suggestions? 

I don't think so. That felt like a curse upon me.

Sometimes I do ponder why things didn't turned up to be the way it should be?

Is it a punishment for the sins I did? 

All those stupid things that happened in life, which I screwed.

I lost lots of things, some of them which are precious of mine.

Well, I don't want to lose it any further. 

I really felt so down. so low today. well, actually since yesterday. LOL.

sometimes, things happens. made me reminisce what happens in my life.

where the choices are not mine and I had to. where the choices I regretted.

If I could turn back time, will all of this problem be possible here now?

yeah. I'm talking nonsense.

How can I turn back time??

Someone's being blind right now. And why is that?

Sometimes I wish to just stop trying and tell myself.

Hey, stop it. Well, I just can't, you see.

I can't stop doing things I love and I can't stop being me.

With all the people judging around me. Being paparazzi all the time.

I can't helped myself -for - not - being- happy.

Well, something did.

Only if you hurt me.

I guess. That what happens now.

Totally.

Peace be upon you. :)

OH. lama sangat tak jejak sini. Hampir lupa kewujudan blog. WOOOO.

So as usual. Sticks and stones tried to hurt and sometimes they succeed in doing so.

There are few things I really wish I didn't do. and maybe things will turn out to be better than now.

It's hard to forgive and forget though I'm trying my best too.

I am confused and full of hatred. But I just don't know what-to-do.

To you. Why do you kept asking for forgiveness and at the same time you are hurting me inside?

To forgive and forget is not just a word. Underlying meaning that you could never understand, I guess.

You worsen my life and I am not happy about it.

Why can't you let me live the way I wanted?

Are you a physco>?

With all the troublesome you created. Hope you're happy about it.

I wish all the best for you but why do you have to do all these stupid thing that is called childish??

You are absolutely wrong. and a jerk. will always be you.

Please. I beg you for your ignorance. Leave me alone. You want to win everyone's heart, please do so.

Just leave me alone.

I have too much to think about, and you're jumbling these things up. 

Actually, what are you trying to do?

If you said. You wanna let go. So be it. Act like one. As always. You are a loser. For not being a gentleman. 

Peace be upon you. :)

Got back from BIG on my birthday, 30 April. XD

I miss my Mum & Dad. Oh, and my little brother. :(  

I hate the provocative shown by someone here. An issue that could not be solved. A problem that I have to face without feeling any downgraded. 

BIG is a  lifetime experience that changes everyone's perspective and views towards life. 

Everyone interprets life differently. 

I was convinced with this BIG as I saw big changes from my friends. Hope to see more in the future. 

Peace be upon you. :)

I rarely online. Due to my tight schedules. Tried to make myself busy as busy as I could. 

Ignoring you, you and you. Oh, I don't really bother who you are. Coz I don't think I need you in my life just to hurt me.

So, please, go away. Especially you.

Flawless situation doesn't happen everything and I get it. Stop asking. Stop looking. Stop calling. Stop everything, darling. 

I know, you won't be reading this post though, LOL, how I'd wished you read this. Or maybe you are now.?

I have no way to disguise myself but to face the music. To own the right path of my own without your useless shadows which is pitiful, full of darkness and negative perspectives. Maybe someday, you will be in my shoes, then we'll do the talking, yeah? You are worth it to tell me about it every now and then, when that happens. I'll be looking at you with my broad smile. Back then, we are equal. 

Surely, you will feel the suffocating, devastating, frustrating moments.  Will you be able to stand and be alive?

Answer me.

Peace be upon you. :)

takda motif pun post ni. Just something that I read from someone's blog but I forgot which one. Sorry! Nice quote though. :) 

Al-Quran itu sungguh, kalam Allah yang mulia. Tetapi, tiada siapa pun yang layak merendah-rendahkan sang pendosa saat dia mahu membaca Al-Quran. Dan tiada siapa pun yang patut merasakan dirinya tidak layak untuk membaca Al-Quran, hanya kerana dia mengetahui ada maksiat dan dosa yang masih sukar dia tinggalkan.
Biarkan kita pegang erat-erat bahagian dalam diri kita yang masih cintakan agama dan Al-Quran ini, biarpun hanya kita yang mengetahui bahawa dalam bahagian yang lain kita masih hamba yang jatuh bangun dalam mujahadah mahu meninggalkan gelaran 'sang pendosa'.

Sweet & simple as that. No judgement, no critism, no downgrading. Aren't Muslims supposed to be good to each other? Or am I wrong about it?

Assalamualaikum. Life is great. Appreciate it. :)

I've been thinking for a while. 

Being patient although I've been receiving a lot of unknown numbers.

Hundreds of calls from numerous numbers.

Constantly, Yeah. I blocked some of it. Just a few I didn't do so. 

I got a lot of texts from my "friends".

A lot of questions why and what happened? 

Some who were very annoyed with what I did. 

Or partially being damn busybody. 

I'M SORRY.

To those who I had blocked your numbers. I'm just tired of getting a lot of calls and texts. Pity my friends for receiving calls at the middle of the night especially my roommate. She had to off her phone due to a lot of texts and calls. It was quite tiresome though. I don't know what to say or what to do.

Even if I tell you why, will it able to change your perspective towards me?

I don't think so. 

Therefore, I took this way.

I shut myself and silent.

My privacy that I won't tell you, forever.

You can say anything about me, but remember you are not in my situation. Perhaps, someday. You will feel the same or do worst than I am.

I endure these feelings for a long time. Even I begged him for it.

It doesn't makes any sense as it doesn't feel any better. 

Only the one listener of one side story will say I am thoroughly bad.

Darling, the situation doesn't happened as what he told you. 

Yes, I admit my wrongdoings. But how can you repair a relationship that can't be helped?

Till it hurts your innermost and you realized that you are craving for a better life?

I may be selfish. But do you feel my pain? NO.

That is why. YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO TELL ME ANYTHING. 

I have no valid reasons to tell you why coz it's my privacy. Even some people do not understand the word PRIVACY.  I do not blame them coz it's my problem, my life. Not everyone will understand you.

So, be an adult. Stop these nonsense and stories. Stop calling my friends and crying asking to be pitied. 

I wish you to be happy life ahead. Although you said bad things to me. But I didn't wish the same for you. You may say I'm a liar but actually you know who's fault it is. You may tell the whole world but I have my reasons why I did it. 

Assalamualaikum. Life is great. Appreciate it. :)

sometimes what I had done made me realised that I wasn't good enough at all.