Peace be upon you. :)

Today marks the saddest day of this year. It had been about three years ago since I last cried this hard.
My cat, Comot died due to the Parvo virus.

Due to my ignorance, I took things for granted.
I felt guilty and sad since this is my first lost since I ever have a cat due to the virus.
I've dealt with this situation before but I didn't know the early symptoms of this virus since it was three years ago and at that moment, it were my parents and brother that noticed the symptoms.

My cat is an adult and the chances of getting this virus is rare.
Since, my cat loved hanging around with stray cats and walk to the bushes nearby, I hardly saw her.
This was my most beloved cat and I planned to have her around that we would grow old together.
However, I lost her.

I can never have another one that has the same characters as you.
Waking me up in the morning.
Watching me do my make up.
Waiting for me outside the bathroom.
Sleeping with me.
Wanting my attention.
And jealousy every single time.
Playing with her although she's an adult.
Hide and seek when I got bored.
Sit by my side when I was doing yoga and exercising.
Come to me every single time I call.


This is among the painful lost I've felt. RIP COMOT. I can't even bear looking at our videos and pictures. and being in this house, feeling empty without YOU. It hurts.

I know that I only being with you with the permission of Allah. And with this, I hope those endless sufferings for those days ended that you are no longer in pain. I love you. 

Peace be upon you. :)

It's been past two years since I wrote in this blog.
Kinda lost myself thru the way out here, losing my identity to whom I was.
I've been busy juggling my life, work and study.
I've learnt so much from mistakes and experiences and judgements.

I read my posts few years back, reminiscing whom I was.
How I regain maturity in life and determined to struggle with this journey.
I almost gave up, truth to be told.
Nowadays, I'm not really good with words.
Not really good with affections.
Wonder what I'm good with.

But these two years have been amazing. I met new people, new friends, new life.
New expectations.
Focusing on what did you good is so much better than looking out for the negative paths.
I realised blogs arent popular as well as youtube does.
Might as well change my current platform.
But yeah. Can't even bear to read comments as much as creating a platform for people to be in it.
But it's a maybe. Thinking abt it. 

And how i wish im not this lame
And to be perfect as you always dreamt of.
Maybe it is me.
For not being grateful.

And i found myself during nights missing you
I realised those were long gone but i kept on recurring and talking about it.
You might as well gave up upon us.

And maybe after all this while, i don't deserve you.